dear god!!!

old friends

2003-09-18T04:36:00.000-07:00

i had an old friend some years ago who left our group. he found a new crowd. i tried to follow him, but i was shut out. i guess he needed a change. i guess he felt he needed to "grow up" but in this voyage of manhood we watched him digress. Digress? or merely peel back the mask and show us who he really is and what he really believes. we all went to a christian school and in the midst of those kinds of numbers i think we ll just assumed we believed certain things. but i think maybe time blew away the assumptions and showed us who each of us really are. time has come and gone and words have harmed each of us, and now a time of healing has presented itself. will we take it? and will things be the same?

2003-08-28T22:43:00.000-07:00

life is simple again.

its simple, because i dont stress. why? Gods got it and i am where god wants me. i screech by with bills, but if i watch my spending God provides just enough. i know its hard to be twenty something not in school and workinga parttime type job, but, i know that God has me where he wants me right now, so i dont fear. times are tough, but i dont strewss,
i dont know i feel like this post is filler, but

blahh

2003-08-24T23:13:00.000-07:00

i saw pauly shore last night!!!!

whoooooo!!

dude, it was so awesome. man, i got a "pauly for president" t-shirt, a cd, and some weezelgear. he had this box of his old clothes that he was giving away if you like bought more than one thing at his table.

and yes i believe he actually owned them all of you people who want to ruin my magic.

i had never been to a comedy club, let alone the comedy cafe. it was the first stand up i ever saw that i couldnt tape. it was so great. we had great seats. the first guy who came out was rollin jay moore. he sucked. then came a friend of pauly's, i forget his name, but he was awesome. he made fat jokes about himself, so tjay and i related. and then the piece de resistance, PAULY SHORE!!! dude, after seeing son in law 15,000 times, hearing pauly shore say macon, ga 13 times was awesome. what is really cool is i will be on the paulyshore.com website twice. one pic by myself and then a pick of us shaking hands. dude, it is so awesome.

i saw the weeEEEZel!!!!

Awooooooooooooo

2003-08-20T23:27:00.000-07:00

tonight i saw some kids who used to come to bible study. i dont know why they stopped. i blame myself secretly. myabe if i was better than maybe... but i know that is all crap. i dont know. its hard being a leader. its not as much fun as you would think. thats why it hurts when people accuse me of doing it for attention. what attention does it get me. you have to understand that the bible study is a humble one. 5 is a crowd. at one time 15 was a norm. and then... poof!! it can be discouraging!!! i mean come on! human logic would say

lot of people = doing something right
less people = doing something wrong

but i know better.

Adoniram Judson

the first missionary from america, went to burmha. was there for like 2 years befor ehe saw his first convert. and now because of his faithfulness god used him to bring the gospel.

now i know that god could do it with or without addy, but addy still stuck with it.

bible study has been going on for 2 1/2 years now. for 2 1/2 years jacob has been at the coffee shop downtown every week. except for one three month period when i went to intern in indiana (which i was called ot do) and a 5 month period when i went to live with my mother for the summer (which i was NOT called to do), and THAT is the dilemma. was that it? did i let the kids down? did i... did i let God down.

of course not. i dont know maybe am whining.

yep

im whining.

sorry, it just get me down to see all of these "legit" ministries around me. everyone scheduling thier lives around them to make sure they make it, and i have to sit p there sometimes by myself.

all i want to do is read the bible with others and learn together what God has to say. i dont and wont TELL you what it says, and sometimes i think maybe THAT is the problem, that people want to be told what the bible says, and i refuse to do that.

sorry.

pray for me. pray that God will remove this shroud of vainity in front of my ees that sees anything other than God's awesome greatness in my humble 3 people.

2003-08-20T23:12:00.000-07:00

it late wednsday night. i sit here in ffont of the only light in the room. soaking up your thoughts on life and expieriences. i sip my favorite powdered drink, powdered lipton ice tea. i got hooked on it at an early age when it was puched onto me by my great grandmother who would make me a glass every time i came to visit, well, she lived in the house right behind my grandmother who incidently housed my father, so every weekend i went to go see my great grandmother, Opie, (yeah "opie" want to fight about it?) well as i got older with her i began to not only appreciate the acquired refreshing taste of such a beverage, but the fact that she made it for me was special as well.

2003-08-07T20:43:00.000-07:00

i cant wait for football.

2003-08-07T20:42:00.000-07:00

no one showed up for bible study. uh, God does what God wants. but id id meet my antithesis. infact some of my friends agreed that they thoguht he was me, and he even talked about comix. i then met this kid and realized that i knew him from my short short time at college. we then began to talk and after a long debate over which was better: Marvel or DC and Batman or Superman, i realize that this is my joker to my batman, my lex luthor to my superman. he uphedl that DC in all of it commericial AOL glory could stand up to the integrity of survivalist comic company MARVEL. and how dare he stand up and boldly defend superman's obvious power flaws. i realize now that i will have stand up for truth, justice, and the MARVEL way.

even though, for all of you comic geeks out there, i do realize that MARVEL's staff (EIC in particular) suck and batman cant really lose to superman, because the fight would last 2 seconds BUT!!!!!!!!
the bucks didnt win the super bowl by how many points they COULD put on the board, but how many points they DID put on the board.

batman
3
superman
0

oh yeah.....

2003-08-07T14:16:00.000-07:00

The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labeled as such.

10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

61. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

65. If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."

86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

89. After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled.

98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached.

2003-08-07T13:10:00.000-07:00

everyone go to this site and watch the trailer for bill murray's next movie.
http://www.empiremovies.com/movies/2003/lost_in_translation.shtml

2003-08-05T17:46:00.000-07:00

whew, 3 days straight of getting up at 8 and bed at 4am. now before you start telling how big of a winer i am, realize that i am not used this shit. man. tjay, my roomate and friend of 6 years, has a new girlfriend. heather who has 2 kids. i love them alot. the apartment is mess, and i am tired as crap. bills are due, and i dont have enough money, and tjay says something is going on with his bank account, i dont know. i am coonfident that god is here, so i stay faithful. blah, i dont know, i am just...
i am just...
keepn it real.

2003-07-30T19:28:00.000-07:00

yesterday, i was sitting at home all day, nothing to do but be on the computer. i sat there and looked my blogs, played age of mythologies, downloaded some music and HBO sitcoms watching them as i went and listening to some audiobooks, adn watching movies i had rented. i have all week off. i sat here, and i think i almost cried like 6 times, whilei was listening to this stuff. i wanted to cry because superman and wonder woman were having a baby, i wanted to cry for Forrest because Jenny was acting up again. i wanted to cry like for the stupidest reasons. i don't know, i thought i would just share. i felt like such a girl. but i think about it and i think it is actually healthy to get out any pent up emotions sturring inside my psyche no matter HOW that manifests itself. i don't know.

2003-07-28T14:32:00.000-07:00

today was an off day from work
i spent some time with one of my rommate's friends. heather, she is pretty cool. she is going through some really tough stuff right now. she is new in town and has two children. so from time to time i told her i would watch them for her. the last time i did it over here, but this weekend she asked me if i would do it over there. its cool and all but i think i would rather do it over here. she has a one and a 3 year old. the one year old is a boy named Ian. he is so cute and sucha ahppy child, that watching him is a joy really, he has the cutest smile and sucha ahppy nature, he has simple needs and kieeps to himself. the 3 year old, marissa, is a girl. she is the wild one. i have seen her with her mom and bareley behaves. deciding to get attention by hurting her little brother, but while she was with me, she was fine. spongebob was my sedative adn wafer cookies were my back up. i had a good tie watching them. it was my first time officially watching somone's kid, at family gatherings the kids are ussually thrown on me, which is why i don't go anymore. i helped raise a brother and a sister until they were 11, so i have had some experience, i love kids and no doubt wil be THE greatest fther of all time.

2003-07-21T10:13:00.001-07:00

please
those who do visit, do so often adn comment as well.

2003-07-21T10:13:00.000-07:00

how do you get your blog known?

...anybody?...

HELLO
HELLo
HELlo
HEllo
Hello
hello
hell
hel
he
h
?

2003-07-19T14:40:00.000-07:00

i love aol radio
music is something that i have always loved, i try my best to listen to it constantly. music is important to alot of people, look at the industry that we all support just because we like the way a guy sounds. i think that whole aspect is screwy, but who am i to rock the boat.
music has formed culture pockets in our society, there are parts of our culture that have communed together for no other reason than they like the same music, and from that comes a way of dress, way of life, philosophy, and sometimes its own jargon.
that is one of the reason why i loke the fact i like so many different types of music, so i can relate to anyone on some kind of level, and that is why i spend so much time trying to learn little tid bits of different facts about different music, so that i can relate to as many people as possible, because some people you wal oup to and just say "hey man have you heard that new zwan song?" God help you if you don't know that they are just a sequel to the smashing pumpkins.
the only problem i have with this strategy at politics is when i come across a person who realizes that music in NOT important really in grand scheme of the universe and only listens to the radio and has no preference or clue to what music they listen to, when i come across this person i am immediately filled with irritation spawned probbly from jealousy because they are actually right.
until next time....

LED ZEPPELIN RULE!!!!

2003-07-14T01:42:00.000-07:00

i took my roomates car out for a spin tonight, i love driving at night. i htink the best night driving music has to be led zeppelin adn the cure. i just recently started actually listening to the cure and find them to be awesome. i also downloaded some of their videos and from their videos find it puzzling that people consider them to be sad and goth other than their look because they sound pretty happy to me, but then iagain i am insane.

2003-07-14T01:37:00.000-07:00

i love news radio!!

the show

i found some files of it on kazaa

phil hartmans wife sucks!!

2003-07-14T01:15:00.000-07:00

my roomate is messy!!!
and shows no sign of improving!!
AAARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!

2003-07-11T03:52:00.000-07:00

i am sad

my bestfriend is moving all the way to the other side of the country.
my confidant
my acountability partner

i am going to miss her

2003-07-11T03:48:00.000-07:00

consider yourself dead to sin---------> romans 6:11

i am free of sin, in fact to even bring it into consideration is foolish

that means my struggles are... RETARDED!!! i am wrestling with a corpse.

why?

2003-07-11T03:46:00.000-07:00

God is good!

God delights in me.
god delights in me
god delights in me god delights in me

no matter how many times i say it i just can't get it. i can believe that god delights in you, but...

not me

why would He.

i know he does, but i don't feel it, i don't believe it.

2003-07-10T13:07:00.000-07:00

i think i am bitter
i am told i am bitter
i don't feel like i am bitter, but....

they all must pay!!!!

2003-07-01T01:29:00.000-07:00

dear god

last year i decided that i wanted to live with my mother. i stayed with her for 5 months when i was asked to leave. i was supposed to be using that time to get out on my own, and after 5 months and i am still there they said it was time to move on. so i did. i moved back home with my father, of course he didn't believe me that my mother and i didn't have a fight which caused the exodus back to his house, but (sigh) what can you do. well, that was a year ago march, since i had left and august will be a year since i got back, march 20 and august 28 to be exact. well, my mom was supposed to go through with surgery this past monday and and my aunt was going to stay the first week with her and help out, so i was going to hitch up with her. i asked off a week and everything, well, come to find out that she isn't going to have the surgery, and its too late to ask for those days back on at work, so i had a week unpaid!! vacation, so i decided i was going to go see her anyway. i asked my roomate to borrow his car and drove up yesterday, Sunday after church and lunch.

i had such a good time. i had been looking forwad to it all week long, not only was i going to be garunteed 4 hours of driving which i love to do, but i got to see all my friends from the year before and spend time with my mother.

this in of itself excited to see my mother is a blessing from the lord, because our relationship has been checkered with a horrible past, and since her own mother died in Aug of 01we have been building a new one, after a 5 year sabatical. i praise god everytime i think about her or talk to her

i got to see

my stepfather

i love this man. he married my mother when i was only 2, and raised me (i feel) like one of his own until this day. i love him alot. sometimes when i feel distant and alien to my own father i feel i am like my stepfather. he loves to bull crap, and he has a great sense of humor. in fact in my mothers worst times while i was growing up i felt like he was the only one who could make my mother laugh. we love to meet new people and tell the same stories, and we love even more to make new ones. he was a ero to me growing up. he has let me down in the past, but i know for the most part i can rely on him.

my brother

at my father's house i know what it is like to be an only child, but at my mohter's i know hwat its like to be the oldest of 3. my brother is 17, soon to be 18 in sept. out of the three of us he is most like our mother, but the combination of my stepfather smooths out alot of the rough spots. he has a temper like a monsoon, but for the most part he is quiet, and you can just see the gears upstairs working. he was never smart in an articulate way, but he has always been amazingly mechanically inclined.

let me explain something for a sec, my brother and sister, are my half-siblings by technicality, but whole by heart. their mother is my mother but my stepfather is their real father.

my sister

the pinacle teenager, with all of the drama to boot. i feel like she and i have a lot more in common. she is out going and funny, or atleast is getting there. lol. she is sweet adn kind and SMART!! i don't worry about her. my roomate has a sister who sleeps around and has already had one abortion all before she had a legal driver's liscence. now she is too pregnant to abort and so she is stuck with it. i would go insane. i am ot even going to pretend i am somethingi am not. i like to say if that was my sister, i would kill the bastich and then kill her, but just like every other ryals man, i talk big to make myself feel better. i know better. i would be pissed, but i would forgive all involved ina 1 to 3 hour period and do my best to minister to them both. i know this. (sigh) but a man can dream can't he?

i got to see a very special friend

Grace

grace and i had met at a waffle house y my mother's house, and had struck a conversation about god. well, whatever god wanted her to hear grabbed a hold of her and we talked until 8:30 the next morning. from then on i did my best to disciple her. we were friends for atleast 4 months when the last time i saw her, it ended bad. really bad, and i had felt guilty and prayed alot for grace. she was in a bad place. well, she had just happenned to see my brother at publix and gave him her number in case he saw me and i just so happenned to get it and i called her, and after 2 calls we met up at a huddle house and talked until 2 am. she is doing awesome adn was so happy to see me and had forgotten about the particulars about htat night. she has a job and is heavily involved with her church and is learnign the guitar so she can write music to reach te lost. it blessed me so much to hear this, and lifted so much off of me.

2003-06-27T10:40:00.000-07:00

dear god

today, i start anew

this blogg marks the beginning of a new process for me. i have been sitting around the house for the last two months, i got a job, but i work third shift and i can't sleep when i need to

since the day i was born i have not been aboe to sleep like a normal person, i wonder if it has something to do with my ADD

well, i feel guilty about it and i think my two roomates look at me with accusing eyes, but as long as i clean up and pay the bills and stay out of thier food...

THEY DON'T CARE!!!!

guilt, that is such an easy target for me i could feel guilty for the holocaust if you just gave a 1/16th decent argument

so then when i realize they don't care i can relax and go back to what i was doing.

...uh... nothing...

but that is all behind me now, for today i wrote a list of a daily routine, things i want or need to do.

D A I L Y R O U T I N E !

e-mail

check my new tiny yahoo acount that will fill after 5 e-mails
i had a hotmail account for 6 years and then i didn't get to access a computer much at all, i was so pissed, i had that account since i was in ninth grade

blogg

check my new blogg and see what you beautiful people have to say

money

i am going to start a microsoft money account to try and manage my money better

comix

my dad (on the net) is fullbeard, and he does nothing but sit at home and scan his comix and downloads other's comix, so i set up a ftp program to access this fortune of ink and paint and i want to read at least one a day to keep up

Age of Mythologies

i love this game, i can easily spend HOURS in front of this game, hooray for my life! i want to play at least one game and then stop like a heroin addict who promises to take his last hit

HBO

i have discoverd the joys of HBO sitcoms and have started downloading as many episodes of OZ, the Sopranos, and Six Feet Under, but again i need to limit this to one episode a day

eat

i am 6'3 and 285 lbs, i wear it well, but i am a fatty! lucky stroke is that ig ot sick 2 weeks ago and since my appetie has all but deminished completely and so i will go like 12 to 18 hours without feeling the least bit hungry and will eat cause i need to not cause i am hungry, i am hoping to keep this going until i can finally try out for that underwear modelling job. the great thing about his activity is i can do it while completeing another.

bible study on net

i have problems with personal bible study sincei got saved in '95. so i am starting an online course that my friend checher le femme told me about

bible study preparation

i run two bible studies a week, both on thursday, one @ 11am and the other @ 6pm

tony evans

i love to listen to this man and he has his sermons on audio on his website tonyevans.org so i try to atleast listen to his sermon for each day for a small divotional

clean

i do try to clean up after myself, but i need to be better at it so i figure i tackle a room a day, our apartment is only 6 rooms

workout

our apartment complex has a 24 hour gym with a tv/vcr and everything so i figure i could put in a movie and workout until its done, dieting and excersize go hand in hand, one without the other is useless

art

i am an artist and i want to draw a picture a day, that issue is for a later time

swim

we have pool in the complex too, i love swiming

walk

we have this cool neighborhood behind teh apartments that is really cool to walk around in

calling

i used to call the people from my bible study everyday i would call one persona nd just ask them if there was anything i could pray for them for or whatever and i wanted to get back into that habbit

after these things are accoplished i can go back to what i was doing before

nothing

luv
djr